Next Time We Should Bring a Boy

We had some excitement yesterday. We wanted to introduce two smart Chinese business women to an American friend of Nancy's who runs an English school outside of Beijing. The school is similar to the one Nancy was directing when I met her over here. These women offered to take us with them and visit the school. We assumed that they would hire a professional driver but one of the two partners had recently got her license and had bought a car. She was going to drive us out there herself. (Personal injury alert bumps up to level 3 immediately!)

Let me say here that she is not a wreckless driver, but she is a relatively inexperienced driver, which is bad, and a very tentative driver, which is worse. We hadn't gone more than a block when we discovered that she also has no sense of direction whatsoever, a fault to which she happily confessed. And we discovered that her partner, who was riding shotgun, is very directive but also very confused as to traffic signs and directions. (Personal injury alert bumps up to level 5!)

All went fairly well once we got on the freeway and headed in the general direction we needed to go, although she hung constantly in the left lane, forcing faster drivers to pass us on the right. And it wasn't long before she began to slow down as we approached each exit. The two of them would consult their written directions and debate whether this exit was the right one. And this indecision resulted in ambiguity as to which lane we were in and more deceleration. (Personal injury alert bumps up to level 6+!)

The written directions apparently did more to deepen, rather than alleviate, the confusion until at every exit the driver would waver between exiting and not exiting until the last second and then come to a complete stop amidst shouting and pointing with two wheels in the exit lane and two in the continuing-straight-ahead lane and only inches between the front bumper and the barrier that divides the two irreconcilably and large trucks bearing down on us in both lanes. (Personal injury alert pegs out at 10!)

Eventually it would be decided that we needed to continue down the highway and, amidst honking trucks and buses we would again accelerate into the left lane of the freeway. At this point the navigator called our friend at the school for clarification of the directions. While she is on the phone, we pass the exit that we should have taken. When the driver realized that we had missed the exit, she stopped. IN THE LEFT LANE OF THE FREEWAY! (Personal injury alert malfunctions and fries all circuits!)

Nancy and I shout, "You can't stop here! This is very dangerous! Pull over to the right shoulder if you must stop!" The driver obeys and the navigator hangs up the phone and says, "Yes, that was the exit; we have to go back."

I think it was at this point that our driver said, "I think next time we should bring a boy to do the driving." I was thinking, "I'm a boy and I can drive better than this!" But I didn't want her to lose any more face than she already had.

Now, when I was teaching my kids to drive I taught them never to make a late decision on an exit. If they missed an exit, they could always find a way to come back. "It is always better to continue on a wrong road than make a late corrective decision," I told them. Our driver's father had apparently failed to communicate that sage piece of advice. She began to back up. We have seen this done in China before by trained professionals. And it can work. But it helps if you know how to back up in a straight line. That was a skill that our driver had not mastered. As she backed up, she began to veer into the guardrail so the navigator jumped out to guide her. Now she over-corrected and veered out into the truck lane. (Life becomes more peaceful when your personal injury alert fries all circuits and ceases to function. You enter that calm world of Asian stoicism and accept your fate.)

After a series of forwards and backwards motions and corrections left and right, we find ourselves poised to take the right exit and a truck bearing down from behind. The truck driver graciously comes to a complete stop, honks in a friendly manner and waves our driver to go ahead. (See, you can just relax and enjoy the ride!)

After many more stops and starts and telephone calls and at least one three-point u-turn on a busy narrow highway, we arrived safely at our destination. I have rarely been so grateful to get out of a car alive.

Our visit to the school was very pleasant and we had a nice lunch with the American principal and the Chinese principal (the school has both). But the joy of our visit was constantly dogged by the thought that we had to get back in that same car with the same driver and navigator right after lunch.

As it turns out, the way back was fraught with almost as much danger, though with a little less confusion. At one point, we pulled up to go through a toll gate. The driver asked the toll booth attendant whether we were on the right road for Beijing. No, of course we were not. But there were now two large trucks behind us in line and no way to back out. He advised her to pull forward to let the trucks go through and then he would have her back out of the toll gate.

I had seen this lady drive backwards and I knew that wasn't going to work. While we waited for the trucks and then a few more, I kept suggesting that the driver pull over to the shoulder and then go back through the tollgate forwards. Finally she agreed and the toll booth operator stopped all traffic long enough to let us escape.

We made it back to our apartment in two pieces (one piece each) and spent the whole afternoon decompressing. Reflecting back on the experience I am amazed at two things, 1. God's gracious protection over us, and 2. the relative tolerance other Chinese drivers displayed toward this obviously uncomfortable driver.